I'm engaged to the best guy I know whom I love so dearly. I have awesome roommates and the best of friends. I have such a supportive and loving family that also happens to be so fun and silly.
I have it all. Or do? And that leads me to an obvious question, can anyone really have it all?
This entry is about how I bought a $40 t-shirt (after shipping) and how I have absolutely no regrets about this purchase. This shirt reads. "It's okay not to be okay." And I'm learning to accept that grand truth more and more every day.
Planning our days like this, stuffed to the brim, makes perfect sense on a good day. We have the potential to feel so accomplished for getting all our tasks done on our to-do list. We somehow manage to arise early, try that new hairstyle or outfit, make a homemade breakfast (not me, I'm all about that cereal life), go to work or school, finish a project during our quick lunch, think of the perfect gift idea for a birthday, and still manage to have time to go classic skating with our friends in the evening because we did all our homework or chores so swiftly. I'm all too familiar with the "high" of productivity. We feel we can take on the world and more, so we plan our weeks accordingly.
This hectic way of scheduling away our lives can also have a much more discouraging result on a less than average day. These kind of days happen often and we still accomplish a lot during them. For whatever reason, we just can't do it all on these days. And that is OKAY. We go to class or work, we help a friend, and we work hard to clean up our living space and get to bed before midnight. On far too many of these days, I have experience unnecessary guilt and regret for not accomplishing more. I vow that the next day I will be able to do everything on my list I didn't finish today, and all the things I planned for tomorrow. Not surprisingly, this kind of guilt doesn't lead to much productivity and can even have a detrimental effect on the days to come.
We put ourselves under so much stress and pressure to be be polished, put together, and peppy while we attempt to do it all. And this is unrealistic in my opinion. Not only is it unrealistic, it does not allow us to treat ourselves and others the way they deserve to be treated.
So, back to the shirt. I found a company that I love and support their motto (no, this is not a sales pitch) called "Wear Your Label" and I ordered a shirt. Their aim is to make mental illness more visible, so that it becomes less of a stigma. In addition to the shirt I bought, they have some that read, "Sad But Rad," "Self-Care is Not Selfish," and "Stressed but Well Dressed." I absolutely adore these messages. If not only the shirts could be spread to more people but the ideologies too, I believe we would be in a much better spot to be able to understand and support people with mental health symptoms or disorders.
So what can we do? What will we do? No need to plan a rally to raise awareness or pass out a million flyers to try to fix this problem. If you haven't personally been affected by mental illness, consider the high likelihood that a close connection to you such as a friend, family member, or co-worker probably has or is. Please consider implementing or continuing to do the following suggestions to help yourself and/others with these types of issues.
1) "Save the guilt for sin." The first time I heard that, it resonated with me so well. I often cause myself so much stress and pressure in relation to the silliest things. I make myself feel so guilty and sick if I don't have an "on-day" or if I feel I have wasted too much time. And that is just not fair to myself! I'm not saying that guilt is the root of all evil and we should never feel bad about anything we do or say. But how much more productive would those feelings of shame or remorse be if used for mistakes you have made or unkind words you have spoken? Use that bad feeling for what it was intended for: change. In those situations, we can change the way we think, act, or speak. If we exhaust all our energy by feeling bad about the trivial things in life, we will not have enough care and love to care for ourselves and others when the big things come along.
2) Reach out to others you love and trust. This may seems obvious, but the difference it has made for me has been huge. I know some might be hesitant reach out, either to avoid burdening or bothering someone else, or because they feel embarrassed about their situation. It may be easy to think that no one will be able to understand how you feel. So many times I have thought I was one of the few who understood how I felt in any given situation (so much anxiety I was getting sick, a family member dealing with cancer, or having the daily tasks of life drag me down). As I have been able to better learn how to open up to the right people at the right time, my burdens have been lightened because I have other people who care about me helping to lift them. Even if it is a random text or call from someone who was thinking of me, it can make a big difference, even if it is just for the day.
And really even if it is just for the day, that makes me think of the point I made earlier in the post. Sometimes all we need is one good day to get us going. An average day can turn to a great day just with a small sentiment or thought from someone else. These kind gestures can successfully bring us back to reality and out of the the dark and lonely place our mind sometimes traps us. Try to avoid feeling lost or alone, or even guilty for the negative or sad feelings that can so often occur.
